Flake Off!

Someone I met online was supposed to come and visit me, but he ran out of time. He had other things to do. We were just going to go for coffee and chat some. He sent me a text to revert back to hanging out on Saturday. I quickly responded no worries. He sent another text saying he hated being a flake and that it is difficult having a night work schedule. I sent him a text that said Flake off! lol just kidding my schedule gets crazy at times to. I just thougt it would be funny. Anyways...So I din't do much today. All I did was fight sleep at work and take care of the small things that came up as they came up. When I got home, I laid down for about an hour and was amazed how much better I looked and felt even though I didn't sleep any.

I listened a bit to NPR news here an there about the Democratic National Convention. It depresses me that our nation is so divided. Even the Democratic party is divided, though they say they have unified. The president takes more blame for the good and the bad that happens in the country and the world then they really have in influence in in my opinion. I try to stay optimistic about things, but all I hear about is a worsening economy that experts don't forsee a postive change in the immediate future. I try to stay on task for myself, but the challenge gets harder as the economy gets tougher. Health care has gone up, gas prices have gone up, food prices have gone up, and I haven't seen a raise in years. Jobs dissappear as quickly as they pop up it seems. But I know it is possible to overcome all of this. People have done it in the past in similar economic conditions. It won't be easy, but it will be nice to look back and see how far I have come.

All I can do is take each step one by one and be thankful for any progress, even if it is keeping from sliding further into debt.

I did a little housework. I went to bed around 10 PM. I didn't sleep very well, but I did sleep.

Long Day, Sleepy and Anxious

I quickly and efficiently got monthly reports done today. I got the small batches of mail sent out. I sent out a few prospecting letters. Beyond that, there hasn't been much activity. I anxiously wait for another project to knock out with extreme efficiency. I am fighting anxiety and sleepiness at the same time. Not a fun combination. The fix for one makes the other worse. I am perched high above and distanced from most of the chaos going on in the world, but I still get a pretty clear view of it.

It is difficult to be in a positive frame of mind in this situation, but I know it is imperative. I pray for more energy, less anxiety, more drive, and clear vision to see and take hold of opportunity to make improvement. I do want to help make the world a better place for everyone willing to do their part including myself.

In a few hours, I will be at my next post and a little closer to the chaos, but with enough distractions to keep me from thinking about it.

I figure I will sleep good tonight. Its a long day and I am staying away from the caffeine.

I take comfort in the fact that I have been making small steps in the right direction in the recent months. This is the kind of thing that deserves mental attention, any amount of movement towards progress. Even if it is two steps forward and one step back.

Heat Exhaustion

I've been a bit lazy lately anyways.

I slept in today.

I woke up to my stereo early in the morning, but decided to go back to sleep for a little bit. I figured I would sleep for a couple of hours more, but it wound up being another four hours. I went out and partied a little too much the night before. I actually didn't get home until after 3 AM. I was thankful that I made it home safely. Staying out that late can be dangerous in this world. I might not have gone home early if I was bolder, but I was playing on the safer side.

So, I wasn't real pleased with my actions... I spent quite a bit of money in pursuit of earthly pleasures. I was pretty much physically exhausted so I just didn't get out of bed in time for church. When I did get up, I called a friend and asked what she was up to. She said she was going to have a little cookout. I wound up going over there a short drive in my car, but blazing heat with the heater blowing. When I got there, there wasn't much of an air conditioner over there. I hung out for about five hours or so in the heat. The temperatures were in the ninety's.

My friend had decided to become a gourmet chef for the night. She spent hours laboring over stuffed chicken relleno peppers in four cheeses served on rice. It was a hit with everyone. It really did taste good. After dinner, I was exhausted. I left saying I was going to go home and do laundry, but instead ended up going to bed as soon as I got home (about 9 PM) I didn't take my 10 o clock pill, and woke up in the middle of the night. I skipped my dose and figured I would get back on track the next morning.

Fun night, but busted budget

I busted my budget. I had a good time though.

I went out taking advantage of the cruising the crossroads specials, but when they ran out...I didn't stop. 15 min and one drink at the first bar, 30 minutes and a drink at the second, five hours and a few at the the third....

There goes my budget!

I went out on the dance floor expecting to be rejected as usual, but something was different this night. Things got a little hot for a moment, and I was just having some fun....then I was almost dragged off the dance floor. I twisted my arm and got out of the hold and went back on the dance floor. I continued dancing and then it got hot again... This time with someone that physically met my standards and things went a little further....but then I was asked a question I didn't understand because of the loud music...My response wasn't what was expected and the response I got was "Why not?" I know I mis understood the question then. I said maybe we should go somewhere and talk....but then we lost track of each other.

I try to play it safe. I didn't know this person, all I know is we clicked on the dance floor for a moment. I came home feeling a bit excited that I wasn't rejected by everyone. I wasn't trying to get away from the second one, I was just trying to find out more before going any further. Things were moving faster that I was used to. It was a bit exhilarating what happened on the dance floor. I just wish that we could have gotten to know each other safely. Maybe it can still happen.

I was glad I made it home safely.

Cleaning with an audience

I had a friend come over and spend some time with me. I was a bit lethargic and all I did was clean.

I've been a bit lethargic and avoiding going out in the heat. I have been a bit couped up all weekend.

I am relaxing somewhat, and just somewhat being all out lazy.

I figure I will get out for a bit at some point.

There is much I need to do.
I find myself wanting to go to sleep instead.

At least kick back and relax.

Then and Than God and god

My main boss trying to teach me that God is spelled with a capital G doesn't realize that I was talking about the god of a smaller realm and I wasn't the first to call him god.

He wrote, "If you are going to play the God card than you should at least spell it right! Its with a capital G."

Well then...I had spelled "god" correctly, and there is a difference....
But I think I will just remain quiet about this one! (except for this little blog)

I won't bother telling him the difference between then and than.

I am on the brink of success!

An amazing phrase that came to me that has been used for a while and ended up in someone's blog a few days ago.

Mundane Monday

Well its actually nice to be able to use that phrase.

Monday wasn't too bad. Nothing too exciting. It was drizzling outside all day. I tried to keep myself productive at work. I was disappointed to hear that my brother's car broke down while he was trying to take my mother to physical therapy. Thankfully everyone got to a safe place. I haven't been doing much the past few days. I really just laid around for hours when I got home. I got my bird out of his cage for a little bit. I haven't even had dinner yet, and tomorrow is going to be a very long day. I should be working basically a 12 hour day (with about an hour and a half break after 8 hours). I am glad to have the work, but I am sure low on energy levels. I wish the grocery prices were falling with the gas prices. I know I need to be eating better. I haven't had much to eat today at all. I had a couple bowls of cereal (Raisin Bran) for breakfast, and one double stack from Wendy's for lunch. I guess I am going to eat a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.

Ho hum, the life....But hey, I am still glad to be here!

I am thankful that I have a private kitchen, a private shower, clothes that aren't too ratty, a job, and I know people that care about me.

How's about that?! It has been my intent to focus on the things that I am grateful for and leave each blog entry with a positive note. Doing this puts a positive spin on my life. I am working at getting back to that.

Good visit with family

I made a trip out to my parent's house. I hung out for a few hours. I didn't do much really... Just sat around and talked a bit and pet the dogs. It was a nice little visit. On the way back I stopped and got some gas at the lowest I have seen it in a while, but still more than last year.

I tried not to think too much or worry too much about my dissatisfaction at work. I take each step day by day and know I can't get ahead of God. Trying to get ahead of God just leaves you tired out while God catches up with you. I try to walk in sync.

The truths on the forefront

Jealousy serves no good purpose, fear leads to anger, and perfect love casts out all fear.

Half day of work

My boss said he would be in today, so he said I could come in around noon. The day went by pretty fast.

Some faxes came in that had to be handled, and I had a package to get together, and I had mail to process and various requests.

I contemplated and researched various ways of implementing an automated accounting system based by user name for the company I am working for. Without cooperation from the IT department, it is going to be impossible. If we could get separate log-ins in the community PC room, then tracking it becomes fairly easy. If we can't get that, then tracking it would rely on very robust and expensive software, which we would still have to have permission to install on the company machines.

This may leave only one option, which is a really annoying option: manually counting the jobs as they are coming off the printer and logging it for each user. This is something that I guess wouldn't be too bad because I would at least have something to keep me very busy. Someone is printing on that printer constantly....however if reasonable limits are set, then that would curb the usage of it and the printer would not be as busy.

I worked on updating some marketing pieces and putting out some sample brochures to replace those that mysteriously disappeared.

I feel like I don't get enough credit for my creative ability. There isn't a system in place to profit from it. I don't get to do things that I enjoy often enough. There are certain tasks I do enjoy much more than others. Repetitive mundane tasks where I am working for someone else who seems to have it made while I am struggling day to day is driving me nuts.

It seems at times I am doing 90% of the work and getting less than 50% of the pay. I don't know how accurate those figures are, but it really seems that way. I know that I am physically at the office every day dealing with a variety of stuff, while my boss makes it for only a few hours once a week.

My boss has gone on multiple vacations, has a nice house, goes to the movies and to shows frequently, drives a nice car, yet he seems unhappy with his life.

I haven't seen a vacation in over seven years unless you count some time off to recover from a bad bike accident or the times I was unemployed. My car is in terrible shape. The only movies I can afford are the dollar rental new releases or going to see them at the local country club. My insurance rates are high, I am in a load of debt, I am barely making enough money to cover my rent and utilities while I try to pay towards my debt.

I do want to work. I enjoy doing the things I have done in the past but haven't had much activity with. I enjoy processing mail, designing mail pieces, producing mailings using mail merge and folding machines, making signs, doing database work, setting up web pages, working with various machines. I like variety. I can't stand mundane work, though I tolerate it when it is the only thing that I can find to sustain me.

I really need help getting on a better career path or figuring out how to make my current situation more rewarding. It is too uncomfortable at this rate in this economy.

Good Conversations

I didn't go to church this morning because I was lazy. I am missing that worship experience. I feel a need to get closer. I guess I have the excuse this time that it was nearly 5 AM when I finally got to sleep after my mother's injury. She had gone to another hospital and waited for hours for a re-constructive surgeon to show up that didn't make it in. It was nearly 9 AM when my parents got home. (Nearly twelve hours after the accident)

I called one friend and talked about the experience at the hospital last night. He ranted and raved about how this a direct result of the actions of the left wing Democratic party. In contrast to the sign that says patients are sometimes taken in order of need of the severity of the illness or injury, the hospital took people in the order of when they come in, not necessarily in the order of the greatest need. If it is life threatening, that's a different story...but other than that...first come first serve. He ranted about how the Democrats need that vote and the ones that come in for a head cold are seen before someone bleeding and needing stitches because it might look bad if a non-minority person got ahead of a minority for any reason. I think the actions of the hospital workers were less thought out than that really. I just saw a lack of compassion. I did see one person who showed compassion and helped, but he was not working in the capacity to do much more than wrap up her hand.

I called up the mother of a good friend of mine. She is a tough lady. Although some miles separate us and we are not in constant contact, she is somewhat of a second mom to me. She is a great listener and a person with a strong faith. She knows what it is like to deal with pain and adversity and how you have to persevere. She prays for my family and I. We talked for over an hour and it was very nice to catch up. She was there to listen and to help me sort through some of what was on my mind. She was also there to encourage me to fight the good fight.

My mom called me and let me know she was up for a bit. She said she wasn't comfortable, but she wasn't in excessive pain. She was in pretty good spirits. She apologized she wouldn't be bringing me leftovers to work tomorrow...I told her there was no need to apologize for that I apologized that I couldn't cook for her. I am not as good in the kitchen as my mom.

I didn't do much else today. I've been a bit lazy and lethargic. I did get my bird out of his cage for a bit and show him some attention.

I will probably get out of the house for a little bit before the night is over.

Not a fan of our healthcare system

Today, I spent some time with friends.
I was a bit lazy during most of the day. I did do a little laundry.
A friend came over and we talked about looking at my car, but there really isn't much I can do about it right now. We wound up playing a few hands of Yahtzee! he beat me three times, but the last hand I scored the highest of all the hands. It was just something fun to do to pass the time.

Around 8 PM, I went to go visit my mom where she was watching over an elderly friend of the family.

We played a game of Acey Ducey and talked a bit.

As it got time for her to go, she wasn't ready to go home alone. We were enjoying each other's company. Somehow she slipped when putting away an old antique fan that was running. This fan didn't have much of a guard around it and the blades were sharp metal. This put me into shock. I was freaking out. She had broken at least one finger and had torn some ligaments and was bleeding pretty bad. I tried to get her to the hospital as quickly as possible. I was clumsy and awkward driving an unfamiliar car. I am not used to driving an automatic with brakes that react as fast as hers. It didn't seem like that long to get her to the hospital....but when we got there it seemed like forever before she got any attention at all. If it wasn't for family, I am not sure she would have gotten any help at all.

If she didn't already deal with chronic pain, she would have had nothing to help her with the pain for at least five hours. Fortunately, she had something to help a bit. When my brother followed my dad back to their home to get her car home safely they picked up her pain medicine and brought it back up to the hospital. She still hadn't been seen by a doctor at this point. We arrived at the hospital before 10 PM, and didn't leave until about 2 AM. They did an x-ray and sent her back out to wait. My parents found out that there was no one there that could set the bones and left frustrated after waiting 5 hours and still hadn't even got so much as stitched up. She asked for the x-rays, and they said they wouldn't be available until the next day.

I was shocked at the lack of care and concern the people in the ER at the first hospital we went to. There were people getting treated before her that showed no obvious signs of immediate need. There was even a couple sitting in the corner making out while waiting to go in for help for something that went in ahead of my mom who was bleeding and in pain.

They left for another hospital that saw her fairly quickly and treated her hand with the best of their ability. They cleaned it up and numbed it some. They were pretty busy at that hospital to before they got there. They said they could set bones there, but they didn't that night. She is going to have to go back and get more treatment because there was damage done to tendons and ligaments as well. I am saddened by this because this is disabling for my mother. She is one who takes care of others...and now she needs help. She is finally going to be getting some needed rest now. She had been needing to get some time off from her daily grind.

I trust that she will heal from this. I know many people are praying for her.

I am frustrated with the medical care system. Maybe we just went to the wrong hospital, but I don't think this was an isolated case.

Sometimes I want to work my way the hospitals and help these situations, but I fear that I will end up just like them....over worked and can't afford to care.

Enduring the Blazing Heat

Today I had two events to attend for our 10 year high school reunion.

I drove my Honda that needs radiator fans in the 100 degree plus heat running my heater. The picnic wasn't far away, but we were under a pavilion out in the heat.

I stayed until about 2 PM. I didn't show up at 11...it was a little difficult after staying out late that night. It was nice catching up some more with a friend who had moved away to south Texas.

I went home and took a shower and washed some clothes and got ready for the evening.

I drove to my parent's house in Garland in my hot car. I had missed my exit to the highway partially because I got distracted by an incoming phone call. It was a hot ride sitting through the red lights. I finally arrived at my parents house, and they weren't back yet...so when I got there, I was waiting out in the heat for a little while. When I got inside it felt much cooler to me. It was hot to my parents. My parent's air conditioner had gone out that day. The high temperatures around this time was 107. Fortunately, they have a couple rooms that have window units and were able to survive the heat by staying in those rooms.

My very good friend showed up in her air conditioned truck and we went off to the country club where the big official reunion was held. I had a wonderful time. I got to catch up some with some people I knew in high school, and some of the others I wished I had gotten to know. I had a marvelous time. It was worth the money and enduring the heat. It was a very classy event and I really enjoyed the lasagna.

While at the Formal reunion, I got the award for having the oldest car. There were others with older cars, but only 9 out of the 30 people that showed up filled out the survey, so the results were a bit skewed.

I returned to my parent's home around 1 AM, and wound up talking with my mother till nearly 4 AM worried about my brother who had been knocked around a bit on his business trip.

Time Crunch

Today I felt pressured for time.

Last night, a friend stayed over till about 11:30 PM..
I had to be at work by 8:30 AM.

I went to work, got home by about 4:20 PM.

A friend of mine was there waiting on me.

A couple other friends stopped by.

I was rushing trying to get ready to go to a mixer at a bar in Addison to attend a get together of people that went to our school before we all split up to go to college or start our careers of whatever we went doing.

I had a pretty good time. The appetizers were not very good at all, the music was loud, and it was difficult to carry on a conversation because it was so loud.

I got home around 11:30.

I went to bed not much later than that.