Still here

Well, I am still here.

Same jobs, same car, same apartment.

I am grateful to have what I have.

I look back and it has been over a month since I have updated this blog. I am going to try to go back and fill in some gaps from memory.
I wanted to update this daily so I could see my progress and to keep myself on track. Some things I have been facing, I have somewhat looked away because it seems as more than I can handle. I am try to ignore them and hope for miracles. Sometime they do come, just in unexpected ways and in their own time. I want to stop ignoring what I can change.

Money is power. When you owe more than what you can save in five years in your current situation, fear not being able to keep going, and don't know how to change it, it is frightening. It has a tendency to make you feel powerless. Money is not the soul source of power. Seeing the state of the rest of the world, I know I am not alone in my struggles. It seems as if so many of us have lived beyond our means trying to keep a standard of living. I live too much in fear. I worry about living where people are fighting and killing over money or food. Some of this I can change, but much of it I cannot. I keep reminding myself to look where I want to go, not where I am afraid to go.

I seek God, and sometimes I feel so disconnected, yet at times I simply cannot ignore that God is giving us glimpses.

I want to give, but sometimes I feel as if I have nothing to give. Many times I give something, it seems to be returned quicker than I can give it away. It is a strange feeling.

I keep getting up, going to work, doing what I can, and sometimes sitting around stagnant hoping to get well. Sometimes time is what it takes to heal. Sometimes there needs to be more action.

I am still here.