Clouded Head

I have a bit of a upper respiratory infection. I laid around all day. I stayed up a bit late last night and into the morning. I didn't sleep well. I woke up every couple of hours it seemed. I didn't do much today. I visited my parents for a few hours. I have been somewhat discouraged. I was thankful for the leftovers my parents gave me and the apple pie and ice cream. I was very thankful for parents who are still there for me.

I watched National Geographic channel while I was at my parents house. They played shows about different drugs such as heroin and methamphetamines and their effects on people. It is so sad how lives have been destroyed by these chemicals. They also portrayed where the majority of opiates are comming from now: Afganastan. That drug trade is fueling the Taliban regime. These shows were not very encouraging. It presented real problems to which no one has presented real solutions to. I have empathy for those that are hooked, yet they feed the problems facing our country today.

Later on in the day, I didn't know where I wanted to be. I wanted to be working, but I didn't feel up to it. I didn't really know what to to next. I didn't want to be alone, but I don't want to risk getting anyone sick. I couldn't think of anyone to go visit. I tried to contain the germs the best I could when I went to see my parents. I went shopping for jeans. I couldn't find a pair that fit my budget and me. I only tried Kohls. I spent quite a while looking for a pair that fit. My nose was running and I just wasn't feeling up to shopping much. I didn't spend any money today. I feel very squeezed financially. I am trying to aggressively pay my way out of debt. I can't really cut much spending. I have to figure out a way to make more money. I need to get over the being uncomfortable making money on my own and dealing with the aspects of taxes and what not. I seem to want to take the easy way out, which is work for someone for an hourly wage or a salary. That mindset generally leaves me financially limited.

Fear and anxiety have somewhat of a stronghold on me.
I have glimpses of hope. I worry too much. Too often I see the problems and the obstacles and not the solutions and pathways to making it right.

I am thankful for what I have. Very thankful indeed. I am thankful for friends, family, transportation, shelter, clothes, privacy, the ability to connect with the world, music, my beautiful sweet cockatiel, and the fact that it isn't all over yet. I am thankful for the fact that I have drive to make it out of this situation, although I feel discouraged as if I am swimming upstream.