Four fifty an hour

I spent four fifty in one hour tonight.
I got two drinks and gave a tip.
I couldn't seem to get a conversation going with anyone.
Everyone already seemed to be in their little group or off to themselves.
The music was good. I heard a few songs I hadn't heard in a while...like I wear my sunglasses at night....Chameleon....i saw a couple of the usual people up there... I didn't really know anybody by name....well one person that left just after I got there. I felt very closed off and insignificant. My family was there for me this weekend...I have some friends left.. i have been going through some times that only my true friends or family have been able to tolerate, and even then it is a strained relationship.

I left feeling quite lonely. I feel so out of place. I am so antisocial. It was almost painful to interact with anyone at all. I called a friend I have known for a long time. Other than that, I probably only said about ten words total the whole hour. No one said anything to me really. There is so much of this going on it is sad really. I really need to break out of this funk.

I don't want to die like this. I would so love to be able to find a way to cut expenses and keep my income up or increase it. I want to be out of this rut so bad. Hopefully these times will be temporary. Hopefully I will see better times. Hopefully I can learn to have happiness, and interaction, and love again. Hopefully I can get out of this rut before it is all over.